Sunday, May 24, 2009

Best and Worst of Season 8

Don’t you just love an upset? Especially after Danny Gokey's unlawful eviction.

Congratulations to Kris Allen for:

1. winning some big title that, in the first place, shouldn't be his;

2. winning some big singing tilt which, in the first place, shouldn't have seen him in the finals; and

3. winning something for the sake of not-winning’s sake, just as I'd wanted.

But I’m not wasting any more time talking about Mr. Conway 2009. He does not deserve my freakin’ adoration.

Now let’s wind the clocks back to two months ago. American Idol 8 was already at a stage where who got evicted already mattered (to me). Fast-forward to a week and a few days ago: Idol was down to its Final Three. And so, my best and worst performances of Season 8:


12. Matt Giraud, “Part-time Lover

Let us remind ourselves that he's only a wildcard, a tie with the equally crappy Anoop Desai. That the judges saved him instead of the terribly underused, underexposed Alexis Grace was - still is - unthinkable. And then there's this: suave moves and voice rolled into one.

11. Kris Allen, “She Works Hard for the Money

Boy-next-door totally made this Donna Summer his own headbob-worthy ditty.

10. Danny Gokey, “You Are So Beautiful

The biggest casualty of Season 8 – this year's Daughtry or Jennifer Hudson. But in his trademark husky voice, this song became a protestation of love oozing with simple honesty.

9. Kris Allen, “Ain’t No Sunshine

Oh the soul - and sadness - that he poured into this number. At its finest points, heartbreaking.

8. Danny Gokey, “Come Rain or Come Shine

Started out soft and ended wondrously grand, like the sun finally breaking through layers upon layers of storm clouds. Was this Gokey in a 1920s New York City club?

7. Allison Iraheta, “Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone

Honestly, I never liked Allison that much. Her voice was too rough for my liking, like Annie Lennox. But the roughness was here justly imbued with mystery that the song asks for.

6. Danny Gokey, “What Hurts the Most

Simon called this Danny’s “best performance ever.” Not in my opinion - just the man's gloriously sung second best.

5. Adam Lambert, “Feeling Good

The compelling theatricality of it all, the way he descended those stairs like a god coming down from beyond, was only proof that the man's master of his craft. Don't like his Fiyero much, though.

4. Danny Gokey, “Jesus, Take the Wheel

This was Danny's best performance. Carrie Underwood covered this or something, right?

3. Kris Allen, “Falling Slowly

Randy showed how utterly stupid he was when he said, after this number, “I’m not so sure, man.” Kris Allen's best performance of the season was an elegant portrait of gently falling in love.

2. Adam Lambert, “Mad World

After Adam finished this song, thousands undoubtedly converted to his cause. Many call this his towering achievement, but...

1. Adam Lambert, “The Tracks of My Tears

Like how David Archuleta’s “Imagine” was hailed by many as his best, when it was actually his other Beatles number, “The Long and Winding Road." Lambert's crystalline falsetto and the surrounding silence simultaneously sculpted tears on our faces.


10. Danny Gokey, “Dream On

Danny's not a rocker, and when he tried to be one, he was a screaming nightmare.

9. Anoop Desai, “Caught Up

Groovy dancing and misplaced energy do not a passable number make. Complete misfire from Desai.

8. Kris Allen, “All She Wants to Do Is Dance

Even the piano wasn't large enough to hide the gaping hole at the heart of this mess.

7. Danny Gokey, “Get Ready

Another one where Danny goes jumping all over the stage. Will never be ready to see this again.

6. Kris Allen, “Apologize

Hands down, the worst existing version of "Apologize."

5. Megan Joy, “Turn the Lights Down Low

There was absolutely nothing sexy with this number. It was like a sexless maniac's empty call for a drunken quickie.

4. Lil Rounds, “I’m Every Woman

Lil Rounds screamed - and screamed some more, even though it was all too obvious that she's a woman. Just not good enough to represent every woman.

3. Matt Giraud, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?”

Unintelligible shit from Giraud.

2. Michael Sarver, “Ain’t Goin’ Down

Unintelligible shit from Sarver.

1. Megan Joy, “For Once in My Life

For once in her life, Megan Joy made a complete fool of herself on international television.

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