Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Creepy Asian

Disclaimer: This is not me.

There was a creepy man last night, and he was checking me out.

We had this video shoot, see, for a little thing called LadyMed. I was in my female form, glory emanating from every square inch of skin. First, we did scenes in one of my classmates’ condo unit. Then, we did it in her condo building’s lobby. There was also some cavorting with the elevator but whatever. After that, we proceeded to shoot outdoors a.k.a. the sidewalk teeming with people.

Every single one of them curious passers-by just had to take second glances at this towering figure in black with somewhat fake long hair. But then, this guy comes along, and he was different from the rest.

He had whitish hair, and from the looks of it, was either Korean or Chinese, or maybe even Japanese. He looked decent enough to not let us consider him a dirty old man (DOM). We thought he was just one of them curious creatures – BUT NO.

What he did was this: He hung around like he was one of us. It was either he was aware that I was a guy dressed up as a woman for a video shoot, or that he thought I was a real lady. Either way's creepy.

So now I address you, creepy old man, directly.

Pervert! And whatever happened to personal space?

Well he did leave us, eventually. Perhaps after I started acting and moving like a guy. Like really huge, unsophisticated movements. Perhaps he realized he was not helping his self-concocted alpha-male image by overtly pining for a guy in drag.

Heels hurt. They really do.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

A Letter to Person Responsible for Cancellation of Classes

(Insert smiling photo of Person Responsible for Cancellation of Classes.)

Dear Person Responsible for Cancellation of Classes,

I'd like to say thank you for giving me and my friends more time to study for tomorrow's exam. It really means a lot to know that you're somehow on our side. Now that we have more time to spare, we can just chill right now and study later - so thank you for giving us that precious 'chill' time.

Let me now proceed to hammer you with a baseball bat. You pink-assed mandrill.

I woke up, like many among us, early in the morning today for two purposes: to study (because I felt sleepy last night and had to go to bed early), and to check for updates regarding suspension of classes amidst this freakin' new typhoon. What a relief it was to find out at 6AM that our classes will go on as usual - your words, probably. It got me quite excited, really, knowing that I'd have to wage a full-on street fight with the rain and wind and waters again.

Fast forward to a couple of hours later, and there I was in school, confused by one of your minion's circulating pronouncement saying that classes had been suspended. The pronouncement was supposedly made at 8:30AM.

So, what's with that? What, in the span of two-and-a-half hours, managed to diffuse into your head and made you suddenly shift gears?

Allow me to speculate.

Maybe you made the initial announcement when you'd just left your bed to go to the bathroom to pee. Maybe you had your curtains drawn, and you weren't able to see outside your window, unable to see the tiny amount of rain falling gracefully from the sky. Maybe you thought it was just fog. Maybe you weren't aware that a freakin' typhoon was about to take a dump in this city. Maybe you thought it's just another day (cue Next to Normal music) - another usual day - and that all this weather brouhaha's nothing new to us (well it no longer is actually, but that's not the point). Maybe you thought it'd make us better citizens to brave another freakin' bad weather day.  

I have more of my hypotheses, but what I'm trying to drive at is this: Two-and-a-half freakin' hours! What, you suddenly exited your front door and realized the waters are higher than usual on the pavement? Five of us were already in school at that time, and three of us weren't residents of the urban swamp where the school is.

Just so we all know, it's no longer raining right now. I'm not complaining - about the rain, that is.

But we'd really appreciate it if you're more in tune with the weather. Maybe you should form a weather advisory board, if you still haven't, or chuck the people out of the board and replace them with new ones if you already have. I suggest, for new members, your students themselves.

So, my two conclusions. First, I'm glad that we don't have class. Second, prick!

That's all.   

From Guy Who's Not Happy with Person Responsible for Cancellation of Classes