Thoughts on the 2015 Oscar Nominations

1. Original song. So Adam Levine's performing. 

2. Original song. I See Fire is still the best song from the Lord of the Rings canon--and I'm not counting Pippin's Edge of Night here.

3. VFX. X-Men: Days of Future Past!

4. Sound editing. How the f**k is the sound in Interstellar any good?!

5. Film editing. No Gone Girl for Editing. Whatever. Interstellar would actually have been an inspired choice.

6. Sound mixing. Interstellar for a sound category. Again. These people must be deaf.

7. Animated feature. The only one I've seen is Dragon. Which should be a deserving winner. Twitter people angry over The Lego Movie's snub, but sorry, can't relate for now.

8. Supporting actor. THE MOST BORING CATEGORY EVER. Riz Ahmed from Nightcrawler, anyone?  

9. Supporting actress. NO JESSICA CHASTAIN OKAY TIME TO TOTALLY STOP CARING WHAT THE EFFFFF.

10. Makeup. Tilda Swinton in Snowpiercer. Duh.

11. Cinematography. YES MR. TURNER!!! YES IDA!!! The Immigrant, whose final shot is the best shot of the year, ain't here though. At this point, this trophy's Dick Pope's!

12. Adapted screenplay. GONE GIRL SHUTOUT WHAT THE EFFFFFF.

13. Score. Wow, they really don't like Gone Girl. Bunch of tasteless old fools.

14. Foreign language. Once upon a time, I actually thought Norte could make it here. Such a dreamer.

15. Director. This roster of directors is not credible. Any roster without David Fincher for Gone Girl is not credible. At this point, I'm starting to feel less mad. Can't spend your entire life caring for tasteless idiotic cowards. Then again, Fincher doesn't give a shit about this madness, so why should we?

16. Actress. HOLY EFF MARION COTILLARD YES! And for the record: Jennifer Aniston is terrific in Cake.

17. Actor. I haven't seen American Sniper yet, but Jake Gyllenhaal should be in Bradley Cooper's place. Yes, I'm kinda mad. And Benedict Cumberbatch is fast becoming a one-note actor, by the way. So now I'm doubly mad re: Gyllenhaal. 

18. Picture. SURPRISE SURPRISE NO GONE GIRL. And so, after six years, I finally stop caring about this awards season circus. Nightcrawler and Gone Girl both nearly shutout. I wish Theory of Everything wins everything. That should be fun.